The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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