wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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