dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
