You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
