I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
