I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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