I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Couch. On fire.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
