you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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