Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the day after is always just damage control
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
