my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
