I showed him my bush... on skype.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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