um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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