the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
