You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
