Moan for me like Helen Keller
its not stalking. its research.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
