The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
