omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
