Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
