You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
