I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
