You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
