I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
