well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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