Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
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I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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