he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
