yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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