just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
