Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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