Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
