she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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