Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
