Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.