I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
