If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.