Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.