I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.