i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄