We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You need a sexual gate keeper
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize