I just made out with a guy for $7.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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