your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
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Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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