***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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