What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
