are you still at the devil's house?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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