you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
