your thong is hanging out like whoa
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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