Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
