ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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