SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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