Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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