it was like eating out sand paper
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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