I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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