Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
