The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
