absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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