DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
