OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
