We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
