I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
