She said her name was "party"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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