operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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