I could have mohawked her pubes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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