Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
