just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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