Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
