just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
