How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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