Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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