It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
