Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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