I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
