tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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