he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
