I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
