i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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