i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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