True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
